This Sunday is Mother’s Day. I always have a bit of a problem with certain days for certain people or things. Why do we need special days to show gratitude for the people in our lives. Every day is Mother’s Day. But that is another discussion I won’t go into. Also not the fact that it is an invention by the greeting card and gift giving industry. My I sound so cynical! And you know perhaps I am, but I also love days like these to put in some extra effort towards the ones we love and perhaps are taking for granted a bit. So when it came to Mother’s Day I have always tried my best to make something for her, buy her something special or take her out. Make her feel how much I loved her. And still love her. Even though she is not here anymore in the flesh I still shower her with love and gratitude.
But I would be lying if I said Mother’s Day isn’t challenging. It is hard to see advertisements with happy moms and daughters everywhere. To not have someone to spent that day with. Now my relationship with my mother wasn’t always great. We had our ups and downs. The balance in our relationship always seemed off and I was more the mother in our relationship, from a very young age this was so. To say it was Hallmark perfect would be a lie. It was tough, but we also loved each other deeply. I consider myself lucky for having such a strong connection and friendship with my mother. And yes I acknowledge how fortunate I am. I know many people who don’t have a mother they feel particular grateful for and Mother’s Day brings up a lot of triggers for them as well. Lots of feeling of resentment, guilt and shame may come up. And also for women who are mothers themselves they feel guilty for not resembling the perfect mother we see depicted in so many ads and cards.
We need to realize that first of all Mothers are not saints, they are human beings with all their bagage in various shades of light and dark. And that for many of us our ideal of a mother was developed early on, in films, television series or a friend who seemed to have the perfect mother. And for many this archetype of who we should be as mothers was born out of not wanting to be like our own mother. And now all grown up, our shadows may be projecting exactly these traits that we disliked so much in our own mothers. Our definition of what a parent should be like is defined by our shadow. I am a firm believer in shadow work for I believe in wholeness. I recurring theme in my live is bringing pieces together, re-membering. We must embrace and integrate all of the characteristics that we have denied in ourselves, so they don’t lash out because they are not seen and heard. To do this we must find the gifts of the so called negative characteristics that we judge in our mothers or others. For example how could being lazy like your mother actually serve you? See if you can make a list and write down all your bad mother traits and write down how they actually served you. Now all you bad mothers, ask yourself are you really a bad mother or just a human being who is comparing herself to a perfect standard. Can you let yourself of the hook and see that children will learn as much from our so called bad parts as our good parts. Now I am not speaking about abuse. But the usual characteristics we are not proud of. The greatest gift children can learn is to love and accept themselves. By teaching them to find the gifts in that which they judge, we pave the way for them to love a part of themselves that they have seen as ‘bad’.
However always be aware that daughters are not the nourishment for mothers that have been deprived emotionally. Often mothers project their own dreams and needs on their daughters and this can bring about deep wounds and pain. For these women it is so important to acknowledge the mother’s shadow and to set themselves free from them and be their own person, to see their own light and not being overshadowed by the mother. This will cause great upset in the mother and sometimes even a break in the relationship. Loving yourself is not putting up with anyones shit and abuse, also not your mother’s. Especially not your mother’s! You shouldn’t have to suppress your feelings to be a good daughter. No a good daughter will break this cycle and set all involved free. Give yourself permission to be honest about your feelings towards your mother. You are a grown up now and your inner child is safe with you, you are now here to nurture this little child in you. Speak to her. See her, hug her. Set her free and let her play. Feel how capable you are of supporting her. Now gently switch and feel yourself as the baby, as the child and allow yourself to be held and loved simply because you are. Relax and drink in the love in all your cells. And know that you can always return here as this place and this love and safety is within you.
We often speak about the inner child, but seldom do we address our inner mother. To heal our mother-daughter relationship, it is important to heal the mother inside of us, to connect to her. Now my inner mother is always very present, I know her well. Even though I choose the path of not being a mother, I know the role of care taker, nurturer (of self first and foremost, that is a big lesson in my life, that is why I am so fiercely promoting self-love) and the one who bears fruits, creations very well. I love that part of myself dearly. And especially for women that are mother’s it is so important to heal their relationship with their inner mother so they can break the cycle of passing on pain to their daughters. We are responsible for the future generations. We need to build a strong foundation within ourselves so we become the source of overflowing love and nurture for all of life on this planet. But again starting with ourselves and those nearest to us. And let it flow from there. Be a source, a well of light.
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I wish you a loving Mother’s Day, stay true to your feelings and be loving towards yourself first…
Let’s celebrate our inner mothers, the good, the bad and the ugly… it’s all good
You are Divine
Much love and gratitude for you reading this,
P.S. I am starting with facilitating Soul Collage workshops this Fall, this is creative process to bring back together all the pieces within you and in those in your immediate surroundings so you can be whole again. It is a beautiful practice to heal every part and every aspect of you. I am so excited about this and excited for you! I so hope you will join me than and play in this deep and healing process. To be continued. Please sign up for my newsletter to receive the latest updates and one free 3-card reading! You can sign up for my newsletter here