Angels? Are you for real?!

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Angels? Are you for real?!

Hello dear one,

How have you been? I have been offline a bit and I quite like it, so I am taking a bit of a break and will post a little less the coming weeks. Bare with me I will return new and improved!! I have great plans and inspiration is bubbling. I am enjoying this flow and refuse to be distracted by “must do’s” and planners. So I am taking it as it comes (and goes)…Riding the wave.

I hope you are all well. My heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing storms and havoc, be it from nature or from within. May you be well and safe. Take good care and turn inward. Don’t let outside ‘noise’ distract you.


Okay so in my last blog update   I told you I was going to change my blog a bit, make it more personal and let go of astrology posts and such as they take too much time to prepare and reflect on what goes on in my life and mind (isn’t this the same?) at this moment. What is coming up and what insights do I have. Share as I feel guided without a plan. Just share.

Dutch or English

Also as I can’t decide between writing in English or Dutch, for now I will do both. I will start translating the pages of this website and I will write some posts in Dutch and some in English. Perhaps marketing wise this isn’t a good idea, but I don’t want to shut anyone out. I love you all! 


So I wrote about Doreen Virtue and her latest ‘denouncement’ of Angels and her other teachings in this blogpost:  and in this post I promised to take a step back and share with you my personal Angelic encounters and not let myself be swayed by other people’s beliefs. And yes this is my belief. My experience. I am careful when it comes to angels and trusting any energy outside of myself. I have become more and more discerning, I learned the hard way. Way to trusting. Now I don’t want to flip over the other way to being paranoid. Just healthy discernment and feeling into what is true for me …at this moment.

So Angels…

As you may know I used to be a big believer in Angels and practiced Angelic Reiki, Angelic Oracle readings, collected Angel figurines, went to Angel Summits, etc. etc. And that a while (over a year or so?) ago I have chosen not to work with Angels anymore and I will explain why later in this post. No matter what Doreen says, I am still a believer in Angels, but I agree with her that we should not worship them (and neither should we worship Jesus or any other being for that matter). Thankfully I was never the worshipping kind, but I always saw Angels as co-workers, co-creators, friends. And I guess I still do, I am just a bit more careful in calling on them and letting them guide my life. I now tap in my inner power, I am stable in my inner core, the place where it is calm and clear. No outside distortion.

Blah protocols and rules

Years ago I felt inspired to step up and be of service to the world by doing healings. It was natural to me. I have been raised quite spiritual and my grandmother and other family members are pshycics and healers. I always used my hands on pains and aches, on others and myself. So I always felt called to become a ‘healer’. I felt the energy strongly and I knew it was real. So I felt it was time for me to get some ‘proper’ training. I followed many classes and received many certifications from traditional Reiki to Pranic Healing and from Atlantean Healing to Angelic Reiki and lots of other methods as well. This because none of the teachings really clicked. Some of it did, but most of it didn’t. I have a dislike of protocols and people telling me what to do. Firstly I noticed that once you restrict me to a certain protocol, I feel limited. Symbols, handmovements, certain orders etc. No not for me, I like to work in the moment and trust on my intuition. All the protocols and fluff around it just didn’t resonate. I believe that is why I tried so many things. None of it really felt natural. I like the no bullshit healings.


But back to Angels. Why Angels? When I was younger I had a lot of experiences with Angels and Fairies. I was severely bullied in school and was even almost killed, twice. And both times there was ‘unexplainable’ Angelic intervention. I was always a big believer and I talked to the Angels and Fairies all the time. The Angels for guidance and the Elementals more as playmates. I felt lonely and abandoned by humankind, so they were a big support for me. As a child I had bright recollection of my life elsewhere and I felt ‘they’ dropped me off at the wrong planet. Many nights were spent in the garden pleading at the sky for ‘them’ to pick me up. And yes you can pin this to me being a lonely odd child with a rich imagination. And perhaps this is so. But until this day this feels real and it still feels like a hole in my gut, a severe feeling of home sickness. It has healed mostly and I feel strongly I need to be here now. But it is a scar nonetheless.

So real

I developed pneunomia, almost died and I can’t remember much of my youth, but this I remember clearly, the lights, the singing, the feeling of lightness and bliss, this felt so much more real than my life ever has. I didn’t want to return to my body. I was so tired already at this young age. But I remember having the strong feeling that I have a reason to be alive. This same feeling is still keeping me going day by day. It is also frustrating me as I feel I have ‘something’ to do and can’t find joy in ‘ordinary’ things other people seem to be happy with. I want meaning and I want change. And I believe many of you are feeling this. That is why you are reading this now. I want love and peace. And I am being open here that I feel completely useless sometimes as I don’t really see yet how I can contribute to my fullest potential. I do my best, but I am searching for the inspiration on how I can be best of service. So I keep on trying till it clicks.

Here to tell my story

In my teenage years a lot of well shitty ‘stuff’ happened and I developed an eating disorder and depression. I literally didn’t want to leave a foot print on the planet, I wanted to be invisible, I wanted to dissolve. I shut off all contact, all feelings and emotions and all abilities I had, I just wanted to feel numb and be normal. Ofcourse this had quite the opossite result, I drew attention to myself and not the good kind and all those pent up feelings ofcourse exploded out of me. I was so lost. But I was strong and I kept going and going for years and years. My body struggling to keep up with me and slowly shutting down. I am so grateful for my body for lasting as long as it did. When I was in my lowest low and ready to give up I met an Angel. I was in my bedroom and it lit up with light, a light so bright and so overwhelming, I had tears flowing down my face. And there was this big bright ‘form’, not like a person with wings, but more like a bright energy. I didn’t hear it speak but it was like I ‘downloaded’ the message and it made me remember my childhood and the time before my birth and why I am here. The very next day I went out to seek help and started working on recovering from Anorexia. I started owning my disorder instead of denying it and coming up with all sorts of excuses. It took a lot of work and tears to crawl back out and at the end I was exhausted. I decided I deserved a holiday. So I booked myself a ticket to Bali. Yes ofcourse a weekend on the beach will fix it all! What was I thinking?! Probably because my immune system was so weakened I contracted a form of typhus there and as this wasn’t treated soon enough as they thought I just had the flu. I was quite weak and well this almost killed me…again I left my body and had a very intense experience. Once again an Angel came to me and told me to immediately wake up and call a friend to take me to hospital. This was my Guardian Angel. The only Angel I am now in deliberate contact with.. The Angel that has been there (and with all of us) all my life. At this point I was in bed a couple of days with a high fever and my brain was too fried to think to call for help, eat or drink. So after the Angel told met to call I came to I picked up the phone and rang a friend. And I am still here to tell the story.

Helpless little human

Now before when I practiced healing, readings, etc. I always called on Angels for guidance and protection and used them for healing and readings and well almost everything in my life. I called on them all the time. But somehow it always felt like I put all power to another being and sometimes it just didn’t feel right. And I judged myself for this being my fault, that I wasn’t “enlightened” enough to feel the great love and light from these Angels I was calling in as everyone else was having such great experiences. I sometimes felt like a fraud or to dark to receive this guidance without doubting it. My Guardian Angel feels safe, but some other Angels to me just don’t. Call me distrusting. But I am not so sure about working with Angels anymore. Can you really tell which Angel you are working with? How do you know you are not being tricked? Are you sure they are even Angels? And are all Angels good? So many questions I don’t have definite answers to, and until I do, I choose only to work with the ones that I do know and trust. And only on myself, not on others. Most angels don’t feel very loving and ofcourse I may confuse love with emotions and I think when we go to higher planes we lose emotions, so perhaps that is why Angels sometimes feel ‘flat’ and not very compassionate to me. Dare I even say partonizing? Like “dear little humans, we have come to save you”, etc. You know the channelings. Now this never felt right. I have always been quite independent and a bit of a rebel. So someone saving me is not something I believe in. I will save my own butt thank you very much. Not that I don’t appreciate help. But no I am not a helpless little human.

Look within

So to be on the safe side, I stopped calling in Angels for everything and started connecting to the real world more and trusting my own guidance and intuition. I stopped doing healings with Angels and for now I don’t do healings at all. It is not up to me to heal you! You are your own healer. I only give Soul Body Fusions® which empower you to heal yourself. It can be THAT simple! I believe the problem, well the challenge, of humanity is that we always look for saviors outside ourselves, Higher power, be it government, teachers, gurus, angels, god, aliens, etc. etc. I don’t think we’ll ever get out of this mess unless we start looking at ourselves and stop waiting. Enough waiting already and the clock is ticking, faster and faster, quite literally. So let’s get to it. Take that power back and do something. I know that is not something we want to hear. We like to be told by others what to do, so we are not responsible. But guess what.. YOU ARE!
So be an adult about it and grab the reigns.

Ride that unicorn into the sunset 😉

So yes to me Angels are very real and they can be very loving and indeed safe your life when it isn’t your time, I belief this is where our guardians come in. I also believe that our Guardian Angel may be a aspect of ourselves intervening. As I don’t believe that all of us are now in our body, a part is. So define an Angel? And who are we? Are we not all part of the bigger whole and so are Angels. But this way we can go on and on.


I ask for discernment and to really check with yourself how certain you are of who you have on the phoneline so to speak. Is that really Archangel Michael, is it wishful thinking or worse an imposter. And is Archangel Michael truly rooting for humanity or does he perhaps have other alliances? Do we really know? Be honest. And be careful, because when you give energies power and permission you are never sure what you are opening into. Discernment that is all I ask and honesty, also from the Angels. Now many ‘Angel people’ will now ban me forever and I have never really hidden my feelings, but also never wrote them down like this. And I guess with me being more personal and open. Here goes. I am open to feedback and as always I change my mind all the time as my experiences change, that is what life is all about, re-membering our truth. Years ago I started sliding down the rabbit hole and the deeper I go the weirder and crappier it got, but also all my beliefs by now have gone and most of my programming, all I believed in to be true now has to be questioned, people I trusted turned out to be liars and well all is upside down and inside out. This world truly is an inversion. So which pill are you taking? Red or blue?

For me no more putting other beings in whatever form on a pedestal. I am here to find out a way of this Matrix. I am done with this prison. I am breaking free! Are you with me dear human Angels?

Now for the whole dying and coming back and reincarnation part. I will write another blog about this some time as I believe this is a trap, a deception, I saw that very clearly when I was on the other side and sent back. And that now even makes me doubt Angels more, thinking about this. Why did they sent me back? Was that for my good or theirs to keep me in the loop, in the mobius loop of life and death. Who knows? I am more and more leaning to the latter conclusion.

So this is bye for now, please let this marinate a bit. Try not to defend or judge. Just feel how this sits with you and really ask yourself these questions. Are you fooling yourself or are your experiences really for the highest good of humanity?






By |September 15th, 2017|Angels, Blog, English|Comments Off on Angels? Are you for real?!