I wasn’t planning on posting anything this week, as I feel so depleted. But I felt a strong calling to share. I am exhausted. Burn out. Again. I fell into the no boundary trap again. Will I ever learn? …. Yes I will. I believe I will. I will learn. I am stubborn, but I will learn. And if I can learn, so can you! I am noticing this pattern for one, and this is an improvement from the past. And knowing I am being triggered and repeating a pattern makes it even harder, but I am trying to love myself none the less and now stop and start over. Reset. Overworking is my big pitfall. My big lesson at this moment. To find balance and to set clear boundaries. To say no. And I have to learn. Like we are all now being faced with our big triggers, our so called ‘weak’ nesses and lessons in this life time that we have not yet mastered. We need to heal the underlying patterns in order to move on. And sometimes we think we have learned and moved on and then…BAM! There when you are not paying attention, it comes up, yet again. So stay on path. Stay vigilant. Don’t fall asleep! The underlying pattern of me working myself sick is the fear of being seen as weak, the fear of not being needed, the fear of letting people down, the fear of losing my job, the fear of asking for help, the fear of needing others. Wow…that just flowed from my fingers, I am not planning this post, just letting it roll, so apologies if it is erratic.
Every year around this time, I feel a darkness falling over me. Fall is the time of transformation and inner work, in the Fall we learn and in Wintertime we transform. I feel like I am in this dark cave. I am now receiving downloads like crazy, especially at night. My neck, or the Mouth of God/Well of Dreams, is working in overload. It is throbbing with pain, a bottle ‘neck’ so to speak. So much is trying to come through and I just write journals and journals of downloads. A lot I can’t really put to words. I understand the message and energy, but I can’t translate them into ‘human’ language yet. It is all a blur now. And it is very hard to walk in both worlds. To be here and go to my job everyday where it is crazy busy and I hardly have time to breathe, let alone think. My body is tired of all the computer work. RSI, shaking eyelids, blurry vision and headaches. And at night I get no rest, because I get so many downloads and super vivid dreams. I wake up crying and crawl out of bed in the morning more tired than I went in. I need to stop this now! I need to reset with intention. It is all about intention. Waking up and choosing where your energy goes. I am stating this here, right now. Time out!
I feel like I need to hibernate. I need to ground. To load up on self care. My body needs to be nurtured. It needs to be loved and respected. I need to balance my energy. Because I am crashing hard. The Earth energy takes care of transformation and transport of all food and nourishment (energy), so it is responsible for 60-70% of your energy input. So this is very important if you want to feel good. And this isn’t only about bodily nourishment (food) but also about mental nourishment such as thought processes and creation power. So we all need lots of Earth energy now. It is now important to not eat cold or raw foods. It takes a lot of Earth energy to warm these to our body temperature for digestion. This is wasted energy. So now is a perfect time for soups, preferably with Earthy veggies such as pumpkin, sweet potatoes and carrots. Add some warming herbs such as ginger and enjoy. Enjoyment is most important and intention. Eat wit full attention and intention that it nourishes, soothes and warms you. Make this time cosy and warm. Snuggle up at home. Make it comfortable for yourself. Some candles, soft socks, warm blankets.
New Moon in Scorpio
We will begin a new moon cycle in Scorpio this week. And the timing is perfect as this is perfect to set intentions. To have a fresh start. It is time for change, and this isn’t always comfortable. Transformation can be dark and confusing. The Scorpio New Moon on November 18th is about shifting, death and transformation. It is about self-reflection and seeing the darker sides of ourselves. It is all about transformation and rebirth. It is all about shedding our skin and stepping into the new. After a year of trials, challenges and growing pains, we are now ready to access deeper levels of our soul and step into a new potential.
When we grow on our own accord – life doesn’t have to show us these lessons
I invite you to consider the habits and thought patterns that are weighing you down. Maybe you make career decisions out of fear of survival, or engage in relationships from a sense of guilt, or say “yes” because you’re afraid you won’t be loved if you say “no”… Write this pattern in your journal or in a place you can easily refer back to at the Full Moon. And finally… stay aware and notice, without judging, when you fall into this pattern.
I’d love to hear what pattern you’re working on – please share.
Happy week – and see you on Sunday for Tarot Time!