Finding lessons in hard times

It’s only been a few weeks since we found out that my mother has Lung Cancer. My biggest fear has always been losing my mother to Lung Cancer, somehow I always felt this would happen. I love her so much and the thought of losing her has always been too much to even consider, even though I know she will leave this body one day and probably before I do. And even though I believe death is not the end, but just a doorway to another life. Still the thought of missing her physical presence in this world saddens me deeply. But I now find that I can also find peace in this thought as this just is something I cannot change. I have always fought her smoking habit and I always felt an urgency for her to do things now and not wait. Like somehow I knew. Also doing things together, like going on trips, I always felt that we couldn’t wait and shouldn’t put things of. But I guess that is true for everyone. We never know how long we have here, so we better get going with that Bucket List and start hugging the people we love a lot more and spend time with them when we can. Anyway I do hope I did not help manifest this dis-ease by resisting the cigarettes so much and having always felt that this would cause her cancer. I just wanted her to give up those cigarettes and keep her from harm, not reinforce its energy.

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Now our biggest fear has taken form and my mother and everyone that loves her now has to accept this. Heal this pain and move forward. Not let fear guide us. Accept and treat, with love and kindness to the body. There are so many hard choices to make, so many treatments, so much uncertainty and doubt. So hard to keep thinking, no feeling, straight. Let our hearts guide us in this stressful and sad time.

These weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster ride. I myself went straight into cheerleader, lifesaver, parent-mode. These are roles I know very well and been working on to release in the past years (ever since I became aware of them, of these patterns). But boom in blind panic these came back. Trying to stay calm, levelheaded and problemsolving, I started reading books and blogs about Cancer and searched inside my brain for all the information I already stored away there somewhere and I totally bombarded my mother with information on treatments. But I just had a big wake up call.

I really feel that I need to back off and let my mother decide for herself and discover her options. Feel what is best for her. Most people will make changes in their lives when they need to, not when you tell them they should. It is better to ask, than to tell, teach, or preach. You can be there for other people, love them, support them, but you have to allow them their process. And let them ask you. And also when they ask it is important not to let other people lean on you to much. Be careful not to lose your own energy and lose yourself in other people’s lifestory. You can help, support, but be careful not to take over the wheel. It is a fine line.

Not losing yourself is so important in stressful times like these. Take care of yourself first, like the often used metaphore, in an airplane you put on your lifemask first before helping others. It is okay to suggest options, but don’t push other people and try and let go and give them the power to figure it out for themselves, as it is their path, not yours and what works for you may not be right for someone else. Respect that. Respect yourself and respect others. I myself totally let myself drain my energy in the past weeks. Kept on reading, travelling to my mother for visits to the hospital, kept on working, running, focussing on my mother totally and not myself. Trying not to feel, pushing away pain, trying to be hopeful and collected. Escaping in the busyness. And yes ofcourse I started having migraines again (the only way for my body to stop me and make me go to bed). I should know by now (and that makes me feel a bit “stupid”) as I am conscious of the fact that I am doing this, this running away from my feelings and tryin to safe the world, but this situation is so severe that I sort of told myself it is okay this time to forget myself, to neglect my self care and self compassion. To ignore Angelic help and inspiration. WRONG! Lesson learned. Woken up and course correcting right now. Also writing this down here, sharing, helps me commit and remember that I am taking a step back. And just going to be here, support, but not push and steer. I AM HERE. Fully and in my centre. Calm. And loving. And Divinely guided. I will pray and do healings and send light and joy and I have faith and compassion. And I trust that this is the way it is supposed to be in the greater scheme of things.

Acceptance and allowance

Everything in life is all about acceptance. also dis-ease, especially disease. It has a reason for showing up. Accept what is, don’t fight it. Accept how it is right now and work with that, but from a place of trust and love, not fear. Fear will only feed the situation to spiral downwards and confirm everything you are afraid of. Focus on positive outcomes and possibilities.  Focus on your abilities and not be overridden by your failures. Show your best and thrive. Focus and build upon your achievements, talents and unique selves. There are different lessons for different archetypes in situations like this, I myself need to be mindful not to try and control situations by pushing my ideas and clarity on others. Pull back not to overwhelm (even though this enthousiasm comes from great love and all the best intentions). Step back and allow others to figure things out, make their mistakes and hopefully shine and discover their own powers and greatness. Encouraging others to work things out makes them feel more capable and intelligent. We need to allow others the space to ask for our help when they want and need it, this is far more empowering.

Stand in your own power

For my mother it is now important to stand in her own power and believe in her own healing capabilities. We as people need to stop leaning on eachother and stand in our own power, equally next to eachother. You see, that what you like in others, is that thing you have lost along the way and you still yearn for. For example if you admire someone for their positivity, this is a quality you have probably let go off at some point in your life and you really want to retrieve. Often though instead of retrieving this ourselves we form relationships with people with that trait to fill this gap in us, we start leaning on others. We become dependent. So think of what you admire in others and claim back these traits for yourself. Cultivate them.
And also when you have a disease or something you don’t want in your life, you need to disconnect from it’s morphogenetic field. Everything is light and information and we are all connected to eachother by this field, so everytime you use the word Cancer for instance you connect to that field and reinforce your order to the Universe to show this in your reality. This is a hard thing to do, but try and not focus on the disease all the time and give it another name when you speak of it. Make a deal with people around you and doctors to give Cancer another name, one that doesn’t connect to the field. Disconnect from it. Think of yourself as whole and perfect just as is. Again you write your story and you have the power. Believe and trust.

Cancer as a teacher

Biggest message all of this is now bringing me and I hope others in this situation as well is don’t listen to fear, start living and live from love. Don’t hope but have faith. Stand in your power and Choose Love and PLAY in JOY. Laughter and fun is so important for your immunesystem!!! SO KEEP LAUGHING!!! Do things that make you happy and make you laugh until your tummy hurts.

None of us knows how many more days we have in this Earth body in this lifetime, so let’s not wait and be here now.

Live Now.

Love Now.

I love you.

XX Charissa