Hiya! How are you doing and being? Apologies for the delay as I find it quite hard to put to ‘paper’ what I am feeling and sensing, what I want to share and where I just want and/or need to be quiet.
This is such a healing time for the collective. We all go through deep wounding that comes to the surface for review and release. And this can be a lot to handle. I find it challenging to discern what is mine and what the pain of others is. I just sometimes feel like running to the streets and hug random people as so many look so lost and frightened. I think we are all in deep need of a cuddle and touch. And if we can’t do it with our hands, we can do this with our eyes, look at each other, acknowledge each other, meet each other with an open heart.
My main emotions at the moment are disappointment, grief and anger and I realize these are emotions I normally brush away with a love and light broom. Especially anger is an emotion I am not often experiencing and I have felt for a long time that that is where my power hides, in my rage. In vain have I tried to get in touch with my anger for so long now, but I always ended up faking it rather than feeling rage devour me. Too scared of it’s power I stopped before I could really unleash it and set it free. Now it feels so good to release this pent-up energy and to have it fueling me. I feel so alive! A fire has woken within me that I wasn’t aware of smoldering inside of me.
Deep wounds
Now I am not running around slamming doors and shouting at people, it is not that kind of ‘my ego is hurt’-anger. It is a deeper rage. It is old, from this life and I feel lives before. I know of confinement, literally and figuratively, and this scars my life in that I feel I take up too much space, I don’t matter and that I don’t fit in. And because I believe this, this plays out in my life over and over. A deep wound of being considered and shunned in my past for being too wild, too weird, too open and too much.
Taking control of myself has always been my default when strong emotions come up. I had an eating disorder for over 20 years, which was all about control and numbing my emotions. Now we are all seeing through the illusion of control and feel we have lost all that was keeping us civil and bound. We have come undone and I feel my anger is fueling and guiding me exactly to where I need to heal. Now feeling my emotions is a lot more healthy than numbing them with not eating or any other addiction of your choosing. So I am not apologizing for my rage and I am owning it so I can heal and become free, free within the confinement of this time. How ironical.
Cindy Brannen writes about this wild rage so well and this article touched and empowered me deeply: https://www.patheos.com/blogs/keepingherkeys/2020/04/anger-is-your-sacred-wild-soul-awakening/
Taurus season
Now I was going to write about Taurus season and Taurus energy, but as you may know I tend to write what comes up and that is why I never plan my blogposts. Chaos, this control freak kinda loves it, I am one big paradox I know!
Grounded
We have just come out of a Taurus New Moon and we are now also in the Taurus Sun cycle. We are grounded at home and we are invited to ground as Taurus walks his hooves in the Earthly realm. Taurus is the sign of endurance and we so need this strong and stable energy right now. Taurus also rules the home, security, prosperity, finances and possessions. All themes that are being challenged right now.
How perfect this Taurus season that we celebrated Earth Day last week and this time of year is perfect to reflect on our relationship with Mother Earth as she is showing herself at her most abundant at this time. Think about how you take from her, how you consume, how you interact with her, how are you sharing her resources or not thus hoarding? How can we all, each and every one of us contribute to a better world? These are all questions that many of us are clearly pondering at this time and this year this is more important than ever.
This is also a time to heal our money wounds and set clear intentions in how much we really need, instead of how much we want. How much do you really need and how much is just consuming for the sake of it, to buy things for short term pleasure instead of long term investments. This is a time that is very unstable and I ask myself if we will even have a financial system when all of this is behind us. But that doesn’t mean we can just stop providing for ourselves. This is a time to be creative and discern what is really important and spend your energy wisely for money is energy.
Taurus is ruled by Venus which may seduce us to spend money on comfort and luxury items, but know that indulgence and sensuous delights don’t have to be expensive. Think of a warm bath, wearing comfortable soft clothes, eating rich chocolate with your favorite tea or walk outside (barefooted if possible) and smell the sweetness of nature in Spring. Feel your body, feel what it needs. Does it really need more clothes, fancy food and barista lattes? Does it really need to fly around the world several times a year? Or does it need something else? It is your life and body, you know what it really needs. And there is no judgement in treating yourself and enjoying life, but it is important to do this consciously and ask yourself the tougher questions. Is the life we built for ourselves sustainable on a small and much larger scale?
Slow down and be kind. People are on edge right now and easily triggered, so practice patience. This is personally not my finest feat even though I have a Taurus Moon. I can be a bit of a Bull in a China cabinet, nostrils flaring in frustration, but it is very important now to slow down and respect one another. Don’t make this stressful situation worse for others, focus on your own path and keep moving forward, slow and steady wins the race. Hoof by hoof.
Secrets coming to light
Now there is an interesting retrograde happening which has the potential to make a big change and we see this happening more and more on the world stage and in our personal lives. Pluto went retrograde in the disciplined sign of Capricorn on April 25th. Pluto is the planet of revelations, death, rebirth and the shadows, when retrograde in Capricorn this could cause secrets or stories of corruption to come to light. Pluto will be retrograde until October 4th.
It may be hard to have hope as we see nothing but dirt at the moment, but tend to your seeds in this soil and you will see them grow soon. Don’t give up, keep up the work, nourish them and give them love and attention. Stay strong, let the bull inspire you.
Next week Beltane is upon us, I will write the next blogpost about this celebration.
Be well, take care and remember there is no right to be.
